Emotions Just Happen

 How I go to sleep most nights:

Dang its like 2 why am I not unconscious.

What if I can't sleep because I'm subconciously 

trying to suppress the fact that I am slowly losing

 my love for animation and the stress of this slowly

 drives my conscious mind mad.

Okay brain thats enough midnight existentialism for you.

Let's see..... audiobooks .... discworld ... that's fine.

ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz.......

Work Work Work Work: Its the work song you know the words!


As an artist for most of my life my art has been a let down.
Not to anyone else but to myself. Most of the time art falls into one of three catagories for me.

1: I set out to make this and I did

2: I was stressed out and I made this to let off steam

3: I'm bored I wonder what would happen if I added a moustache to this Godzilla

The things that I see in my head are like this

And when I try to recreate it I end up with whatever this is...

To be fair thats not a bad looking Axolotl but it has nothing to do with hair or negative space or beauty in overstimulation or bla bla bla





See lately when I try to art I feel less like this

  

WAT AM I DOING HOW ART DO

And more like this

Success feels like you can crush
your enemies sculls open with mighty bear hands.

It feels like you're on top of the world when you can put down on paper 

the things you really imagine in your head.

Anyway todays art blog: Way back in the mists of time /made in 2012  

   Sometimes for weeks all I would draw is this naked lady with living hair.The rules were Never show her eyes,  She's always smiling or frowning, body cool colors, hair warm colors.

Weird No , Fun Yes

Emotional Danger level : Bright Blue and Hopefull


Well Interum is over and my emotional crisis is as well.
New classes are fun and not a single class of mine involves math of any kind. What more could a person ask?

On a happy note I am flooded with people who want to compose for my film.

Is is to much to ask that a few of them be slightly less fantastic then the others so I can pick just one?

Seriously me right now.

So happy.

I'm in love with my sculpting class and Z-brush while a computer thing is surprisingly fun.

My Art Blog today is a work in process from my sculpture class Enjoy~

Current Emotional State : Not ready to Deal with the world

I don't know how people deal with programming.

It is TERRIFYING.

I look at a wall of gibberish and I'm expected to figure out what does something in all of this!!?

Look I am an extremely visual person and that wall of text is basically Norwegian Death Metal to my eyes.
Its loud.
Its repetitive.
I don't understand it,
and if I'm around it to long I have a mental break down and have to lie down for a bit and listen to something soothing.

I took a maya programing class for interim.

By the third class I had a breakdown and started sobbing midway through the class. The teacher was unbeleavibly nice to me and let me take a break for half an hour. During which I cried at my desk and tried to think of brick walls to get my emotions under control.

Thing is this isn't the first time something like this has happened. During my first intermediate AfterEffects class we were given a questionair to determine how much we remembered from last semester.

My entire sheet was blank.

I cried in a bathroom stall aftarwards and took a nap for the rest of the day.

The thing is after I took a break from the Maya class I went back.
I sat through the class and asked questions. While I will never  Ever  EVER take another programing class again or for that matter look at programing to closely. I went back. I didn't let my fear of a huge wall of indecipherable text stop me. While I still feel like shit I'm proud of myself for going back.

I am ready to sleep.



On a lighter note This Weeks Art Blog:

First Day of School: My Brain Feels Like Warm Oatmeal

     

        Well the first day of the semester came and went and over all I think I did pretty well. The Experimental Animation program is doing something called an interum program where you get to pick a short shop program, such as maya programing, motion control, or spontaneous drawing, and do that instead of normal classes for the first 2 weeks. Critical studies classes are still required so its not that care free but I'm still pretty happy.

I picked Mayan Snake Charming which is a beginners crash course to programing in maya.

I haven't been this out of my depth since I was 4 in the deep end of the pool.

Promising.

Other then that bright ray of sunshine I had my first class of "Shame and Trauma in Cinema" which, so far, is looking pretty interesting. I hope the rest of the week turns out so well.

For todays Art Blog:

Have I mentioned I like drawing hair?

Tomorrow Class sign ups: LET THE CHAOS COMMENCE


Well its that time of the semester.

Class signups. 

 Oh boy.

     Excitement and Anarchy abound as the students all fight to be first in line to sign up for all the good classes.
Some are prepared. They are the ones with ring binders and folders. They emailed the teachers ahead of time and are there at the signups ten minuets before they even open. They know what to expect.
Others are just picking out classes right now. They had some idea of what they wanted , but well they just never got around to picking them out over break and now its time and all the classes are already half full and filling up as they franticly search in the register for the required classes.

    Last year I had no idea what I was doing and I still did pretty well. This year I know what to expect. Still its unbelievably nerve wracking to go up to a teacher and say "I'm not in your field but I was hoping I could takethisclassifyouhadroomifthatwasatallpossible.....please..." and hope against all luck that they will say 'yes'.

    Well thats me.
I always psych myself up ahead of time and get insanely nervous only to be just fine when I actually have to talk to the person or present the project or whatever. Still there's always so many people there. I always feel a bit enochlophobic (a long word that is much more fun and mysterious to say then a fear of large crowds). Its never so bad that I freak out but, well, I still go to my room and listen to my Ipod playing some mindless app for the rest of the day.

                                                 Here's looking forward to the madness.


For todays Art Blog :

This hair took forever not joking. My smallest pen around three hours and the cooking channel for background noise.

                                                    

Geez how do I start.

I've always assumed blogs were basicly diaries that the whole world got to read only nobody really cared unless you were famous and in that case they probably followed you on twitter first so why make a blog in the first place?
I am by no means a writer and for most of my life have dedicated my time to the active avoidance of putting down words to paper (or because this is the 21st century computer) by means of drawing, sculpting, painting, television or in drastic situations watching paint dry. Writing is not something that comes easily to me. It's like trying to write a college thesis with sidewalk chalk, theoretically it is possible (and at my school someone has probably done it) but thats not what it was made for and when I'm done my back hurts and my fingers are all dirty.

I am trying to change this.

Through this blog, which will double as a resume/portfolio when I figure out how to edit my profile properly, I hope to document some of the things that happen to me over this semester and possibly my veiw's on things, and if all else fails some funny picture of my sculptures.

For my first art blog here are some octopi I made last week.